Knee Deep in the Rivers of Rage

On Clay, just above Grant. ***** (out of 5)
This place is kind of famous. It's the "insider's choice" for locals in Chinatown. Not just Chinatown locals, mind you.
I was joined by former co-worker C. Gomez. We walked up the stairs past the kitchen. It's a very narrow space and there are two or three floors with tables. Behind C. Gomez you'll see the windows. They let in light and a whole lot of air.
We started off with the combination won ton soup - which was delicious. The broth tasted like raw onion steeped in warm water - but in a good way. C. Gomez and I discussed kids. She and her family just moved back to the Bay Area from Texas, where they built a house out of prairie sod, roped longhorns and voted republican (I assume).
I noticed that the rice bowl had a charming chip on its rim. Let's see P.F. Chang's put chips on their rice bowls. This is authentic Chinatown character. Soon the world will be destroyed by robots. Robots with dings and imeperfections and they will all be as soulful and "authentic" as Sam Wo. It will be "Chinatown Planet" (I assume).

Here's a picture of I, your author, as I thought these thoughts. Savor my prescience.

Finally. I found someone to go to "Sabra" with me. It was Todd, and he brought his friend Dave. It's located on Grant at the corner of Bush, just up from the Chinatown gate. **** (out of 5)

We climbed the long staircase up to Chinatown's only Glatt Kosher dining experience.

At the landing there's a bulletin board where you can leave messages for other travelers. Many of the flyers are in Hebrew.

The interior pays homage to traditional Chinatown restaurant decor with its crisp white walls and ceilings. The furniture is also nice. The walls are decorated with drawings of rabbis, paintings of Moses and old tourist posters of Israel. The stuff in the last sentence is not typical of other Chinatown restaurants.

We ordered the hummus plate appetizer which came with pita bread and pickles. Delicious. Our entrees came with salads, ingeniously made of iceberg lettuce, cabbage and diced tomatoes. The three of us ordered the exact same entree. I can't tell you what it was. It's not that I don't know what it was (it was chicken and rice) it's just that I want to pretend that I'm somehow not allowed to tell you what it was. Dig?

Is it "Uncle Restaurant" just like "Uncle Sam?" Is it a restaurant at all, or is it a cafe? If so, is it "Uncle's Cafe?"
The answer certainly promised to be delicious! **** (out of 5)

I was joined by the "2XPK" ("2 X-treme Power Krew") for another waltz through Chinatown.
FACT: All members of the 2XPK have college degrees.
FACT: Even without shades, they never let you see both eyes (unless next to fish).
FACT: They only wear black.



The decor was modest. They offered "Crab Meat and Fish Stomach Chowder." It appeared to be an authentic place, full of locals, without any tourists.



Here's your author posing by Uncle's Aquarium with J-Lev. The food was adequate, but not the company. I don't know about the 2XPK. They didn't sing or dance. Maybe they're a motorcycle stunt team, and not a band. Or maybe they just decided to give themselves a cool name. They're awful people. Dull, rude and pretentious. Still, I wish I could be one of them. I wish I could join 2XPK.

779 Clay St. (between Grant and Kearny)



Capt. Bluey of the Army Reserve joined me for lunch. We marched through Chinatown in search of that perfect place, and we found A-1.
We admired the dense typography of the sign and praised the wisdom of choosing a name that says "phone book" first and "delicious food" second.



Then we sat down to a sumptuous meal, which included a small dish of blood...


...and a delicious talon.



I especially liked that talon, as did Capt. Bluey. Talons are found on birds of prey, who strike from above with silent fury. Birds are cold, calculating animals with keen eyesight. While this talon surely came from a chicken, we spent the rest of our meal discussing the humble chicken's aggressive cousins in the sky.