Knee Deep in the Rivers of Rage

The Author, in an elevator on his birthday.

My birthday. And what? A life of missed opportunities, regret, pathetically mangled relationships, and injuries. It's easy for your author to dwell on these when sober.

However, some things I have managed to not completely screw up. The Offspring, for example. He's pretty cute. The wife isn't bad, either. I own a house. I have friends, a job, and a cat. I put myself through college - no mean feat, even if it was a state school. And as a young man, I achieved a reasonable level of success in competitive swimming and water polo. So I really have nothing to complain about.

Especially now that I have a NEW THERMOS.

Yes, it's engraved. With my initials: CE